This joke has been cleaned up a bit from how I originally heard it... but I still wouldn't repeat it in front of my Grandma. Proceed or not as your own tastes dictate. - BL
Headquarters Marine Corps recently decided that it had too many senior NCOs and implemented an incentive program to encourage early retirement. The most novel aspect of the program is that it promised a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The retiring NCO got to choose what those two points would be.
The first to accept asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second who accepted was a little more clever and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96 ,000.
The third was a grizzled old "Top" who had served in Desert Storm, the recent conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, and multiple tours to "denied territory" in between. When asked where he would like to be measured he replied, "From my right thumb to my right butt cheek."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two NCOs had received. But the old "Top" insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the "Top" to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's thumb and began to work back...
"Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where is your right butt cheek?"
The "Top" calmly replied, "Fallujah."